So yes, I realize I haven’t made a post in almost three years. If you’re really interested in what I was up to, ask, but this video should cover everything.

Now back to the album..

A question that comes up a lot with my training routine, from men and women alike, is how to get “DAT ASS.” Not like that little flabby thing held up by the belt-loops of your Levis. I mean the thing where when you drop your credit card at the checkout, the guy behind you is all like:



True story


The truth is, in a way, simple… And I can’t stress it anymore: SQUATS!


I did a pretty comprehensive post already on the subject, which goes into greater detail on the advantages of the squat and how lower is better in the long run. Check that truly life-changing post HERE. In case you’re still a little shady, here’s a sweet pictorial:


One crucial aspect is the glute squeezing at the top of the lift. Keeping your back pushed..back will align the bar with your heels and take the pressure off of your knees and abdominal muscles and transfer the weight to your hips and ass for the Beyonce booty.

So that’s really all you need to know, there’s no super secret exercise or anything that will help you become the Ass Ambassador of your gym. Nope, nothing at all. Happy squatting.




Down here..


Want to know the secret of becoming King Quad of Legland?

A Glute God?

A Tush Tactician?


Thank you Based God.

Thank you Based God.

Ok, I know, it doesn’t look like much. But if you’ve ever wanted to justify your hatred for stairs by your inability to escalate them, find this in your gym.

  • Set up with the knees either directly on or slightly behind the pad, with the feet firmly on the platform and the back of the calves pressed lightly against the upper ankle hook.
  • Begin with the torso perpendicular to the floor.
  • Next, squeeze the hamstrings, glutes, and abs, and lower under control until the torso is parallel to the floor.
  • From there, return to the starting position by pushing the toes into the foot plate (which activates the gastrocnemius) and pulling up with the hamstrings. Be sure to keep the glutes contracted.


With that in mind, your starting position should look something like this:

Elliot <3


With your glutes locked up tighter than maternal Lululemon, begin to raise yourself, avoid the use of your lower back. If there’s discomfort, adjust the seating position.

Your ending position:

Elliot <3


When you start out, try for three sets of ten repetitions. As you advance and that becomes easy(AND YOU MAKE PROGR-ASS) you can hug plates like a small child you’re slowly rocking to sleep, Awh, little 25lb plate, such a cutie.


There you have it, the super sexy secret for a sassy bum. Soon you’ll be hearing stuff like: “Oh gosh Becky, look at his prosterior chain..” as you blow the crotch out of your jeans at that Mardi Gras party that super cute girl from Advanced Functions was at and everyone laugh…*Ahem*

Please post more bum-puns if you have them. I need to reach a giggle-quota. A titter-total.

Words of the arbitrary time-period brought to you by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.”


Thank you.

What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/ralphwaldo386697.html#95AC4v3rUgPuKwg0.9

Profile: Women at the Gym and Being a Better Person

My response to: “But I don’t want to get bulky.” before last weekend:

My response to “But I don’t want to get bulky.” after last weekend:




SO! What happened to you last weekend, Josh?

Well, I had the first major fight with my girlfriend of 5 years. I said some stuff about her family, she punched me in the face. All good, healthy relationship stuff. The argument ended up being resolved with compromise. I would work on being more accepting, she would work on not punching me in the face. Done.

With a weight lifting blog I decided to tackle one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to answering questions on routines/diet/anything. The pet peeve is women and their fear of bars and plates.

Now before any female readers get all “We can do it!” on me; I mean women who have no place in a gym wanting to get “toned” and “lean” but somehow believe that a woman’s workout should look any different from a guy’s. It shouldn’t.

Women, you are just as capable, if not more than men, at following a weight lifting routine. You’ll look better and feel better because of it. So hop off the treadmill and grab some dumbbells and barbells. I have plenty of info on this blog to get your started. For a tried and true collection of everything you need to know, head to: http://www.liamrosen.com/fitness.html

The reason you won’t get “bulky” is the lack of testosterone in the female body compared to a man’s level. Testosterone is one of the main hormones involved in muscle building. Men have 17 times more free testosterone than women. So if you have some aspirations of looking “bulky” and overly muscular, you’re going to have to start taking some anabolic steroids and deal with fun side-effects like “clitoral enlargement”(I learned this yesterday).

Jamie Eason is a great reference point of what a “men’s” lifting routine looks like on a woman with no performance enhancing drugs:


She’s pretty much the poster-woman for natural bodybuilding. Her Website is a great start for routines and motivation beyond the basics.

SO! Here’s a decent sample routine for women.It’s a basic upper/lower body split that should give you a feel of what muscles do. You’ll also how much of a pain in the ass doing basic activities with Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness(DOMS) is. Keep this up for six weeks with a protein-rich diet and you’ll become a boyfriend-beating machine. Be sure to check back for advanced routines in the future.

It’s a pretty dense routine, but if you focus on the big 3(deadlifts, squats, bench press) with most of your energy you will notice strength gains quite quickly.

Monday / Friday:

  • Bench Press
  • Dumbbell Flies
  • Pull-ups
  • Seated Row
  • Military Press
  • Lateral Raises
  • Dips or Tricep Pushdowns


  • Leg Extensions
  • Squats
  • Leg Curls
  • Deadlifts
  • Walking Lunges
  • Standing Calf Raises
  • Roman Chair Leg Raises
  • Crunches

Leave a comment, ask a question. Follow me on Twitter.

Words of the week brought to you by Edmund Spenser:

“And all for love, and nothing for reward.”

Thank you.

Making Your Heart Explode with HIIT and Getting over Plateaus



HIIT stands for High Impact Interval Training. Its purpose is to increase fat burning and endurance by making you feel like a weak piece of shit over and over and over again. 20 minutes a day, 4 days a week minimum. The most common HIIT uses sprinting as its focus, Probably because you don’t need equipment to run as fast as possible.

The basic idea is to rapidly increase and decrease your heart rate by maxing out, then resting repeatedly.

SO! A basic HIIT routine will look like this:

Minutes 1-4 (Warm-Up)
Jog at about 50% effort

Minute 5 First-Half (Workout Interval 1)
Sprint 20 seconds at maximum effort
Jog/Walk 10 seconds

Minute 5 Last-Half (Workout Interval 2)
Sprint 20 seconds at maximum effort
Jog/Walk 10 seconds

Minute 6 First-Half (Workout Interval 3)
Sprint 20 seconds at maximum effort
Jog/Walk 10 seconds

Minute 6 Last-Half (Workout Interval 4)
Sprint 20 seconds at maximum effort
Jog/Walk 10 seconds

Minute 7 First-Half (Workout Interval 5)
Sprint 20 seconds at maximum effort
Jog/Walk 10 seconds

Minute 7 Last-Half (Workout Interval 6)
Sprint 20 seconds at maximum effort
Jog/Walk 10 seconds

Minute 8 First-Half (Workout Interval 7)
Sprint 20 seconds at maximum effort
Jog/Walk 10 seconds

Minute 8 Last-Half (Workout Interval 8)
Sprint 20 seconds at maximum effort
Jog/Walk 10 seconds

Minutes 9-12 (Cool-Down)
Jog at about 50% effort

A 20 minute variation of this helped me get from 220lbs to 175lbs during my cutting phase. While I prefer the sweet sounds of bearded men screaming into my cochlea, you may prefer something else a little more eclectic. Your choice of music should always provide a high tempo and pounding beat. You do tend to move to the beat of music, It’s called dancing or something(It’s a mystery).

If you have any questions on this topic or achieving your gym goals toss me a comment and don’t forget to FOLLOW ME.

Words of the week brought to you by Nietzsche:

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”

Thank you.


Nothing but Black Metal November and Tips on Becoming a Norse God

Well, it’s November. If you’re a guy, it’s time to shave your face and grow in a sweet ‘stache beard and cover it with corpse paint. Don’t forget to throw on some Immortal, too.

Much less embarassing than a moustache.

Yes, for this month I will be participating in Nothing But Black Metal November. NBBMN originates from 4chan’s /mu/ board and has gained a kvlt following over the past two years.

But what does three guys in corpse paint running around a forest have to do with the gym?(other than some intense cardio) More than you may think.

(Most)Black metal is fast paced, unrelenting and chaotic, much like most people’s first day at the gym. Don’t worry, I’m here to make your first step into the gym and first black metal experience come together to form a synergy that will make your ears and glutes weep for forgiveness.

SO! Entry level black metal, meet entry level workout tips:

The Deadlift

Like with any workout, you want to start slow and warm up. Don’t throw 300 pounds on the bar and expect to lift it because your buddy Chad, who’s smaller than you, says he warms up with it(he’s lying).

The Deadlift is one of the best compound exercises possible. It incorporates almost every muscle in the body with emphasis on your hamstrings and upper back.

Warmup tips:

Start with an extremely low weight and focus on technique.(This can be said for any exercise, I’m just using deadlift because it’s my favourite).

Back straight, head up, lungs full of air. Be sure to keep the bar as close to you as possible when you extend. You’ll know who uses proper deadlift technique by the bruises and scrapes on their shins.

Before you bend down for your first rep, press play on Burzum – Dunkelheit. Ignoring the church burnings and murder charges, Burzum(Varg Vikernes) has made some solid ambient black metal releases over the past two decades.

Dunkelheit, along with the rest of the Filosofem album should get you used to the fast paced guitar riffs and low-fi recordings of traditional black metal.

Heavy Lifting

A heavy lift classifies as anything where you unintentionally make this face:

In gym lingo, it’s usually called you “1RM”(one rep max) meaning how much you can lift during one repetition. Get used to answering this question because the first thing people ask you when you tell them you lift is: “yo bro, how much you bench?”

Tips for doing your 1RM:

1. Get a spotter – The last thing you want is to have 1.5x your body weight resting on your sternum.

2. Believe in yourself – It sounds cliche, but the moment you think “damn, maybe this is too much” it becomes too much. Don’t rationalize it, just do it.NIKE

3. Be a perfectionist – Any lapse of proper form during a heavy lift can be devastating, learn what’s right and wrong and don’t change it for anyone’s advice.

Black Metal Vegan Chef

Eat big, get big.

Words of the week brought to you by Vark Vikernes:

“Killing a person with a 8 cm ling blunt knife is a bloody affair…”

Thank you.

Profile: The Sampler


Name: Sampler, Bro Sampler…Brampler

Occupation: College level advertising student

Steroid Cycle: 800mg  Test ethanate, Dianabol. 40mg Clomed when he starts growing tits.

Favourite phrase: “I’m natural, bro.”

He’s about 5’10”, 200 lbs and shares his dimensions with a carrot. All bulky up top, complete with greasy skin and acne from all the roids. He has the biggest case of ILS I have ever seen, while actually having huge lats. Google image searching “gym guido” would give you the general idea of his stance.

The “Sampler” is a name I coined myself for this guy, or any type that follow the following workout rules:

1. No proper routine.

I am definitely a people-watcher. I mean, I have to do something between sets. Anyways, the gym I go to is basically a giant rectangle of mirrors with a raised platform on the side with cardio machinery. Separating the Dumbbells and Barbells from the machinery(or the casual from hardcore) is a long mirrored partition. The geography of my gym is important.

The Sampler takes laps around this glass partition and stalks his prey: The open machine. I mean any machine. This guy has no “legs day” or “push/pull day” there’s only “find a bar attached to a cable that no one is using and pull on it until you can’t anymore…-day.” Then, he proceeds to check himself out in the mirror to make sure the muscle he just “worked” is pumped up enough to warrant showing it off.

I’ll let Arnold explain the pump:

2.Asks People for advice, then gives his own.

His actions with people are almost exactly like my run in at the squat rack. This is the guy everyone hates, and he knows it. He’s fueled by hate. To him, hate looks like jealousy. To him, jealousy feels like victory. He’s like the bully in 5th grade when your mom tells you to just ignore him and he’ll go away, but he steps on the back of your shoes at recess anyways(Fuck you, Cameron).

After pinning his own ass in the locker room and doing half-repetitions biceps curls he still had the balls(or lack thereof dohoho!) to tell me to watch my bench press form. Like all people at the gym, I humour them at the time of the confrontation then complain on a blog/explain to my bored girlfriend(Sorry Jenn) how much of an asshole they are.

TS: “Hey man, sorry to bug you but you shouldn’t arch your back like that because hyper-something exploding sternums, my buddy died(I forget the details)”

Me: “Oh I’ll keep that in mind. I’m just using the powerlifting technique perfected by Dave Tate(Watch this, your life will change forever).”

TS: “Put your feet up on the bench, it will help you flatten your back.”

Me: “But I don’t want to die”


But seriously people, get educated on every move you’re about to make before you step into the gym. According to stronglifts.com putting your feet up causes:

  • Lower Back Pain. Your lower back hurts when your feet are flat on the floor. Stop avoiding what hurts, work on spinal flexibility: cat/camels.
  • Overload. You want to make the Bench Press harder by removing your legs from the movement

Watch that Dave Tate video, change your life.

3. If the workout takes more than 30 seconds to set up, it’s not worth it.

Finally, The Sampler believes he’s in the matrix and relies on machines for all of his exercises. I mean, who wants to spend minutes changing plates over on a bar to get a proper workout when you can half-ass it and practice putting a rod in a hole.

There’s a joke here…

With any testosterone-based steroid, there’s really no need to practice a safe workout. As long as you stimulate the muscle there is growth. So The Sampler and people like his looked jacked, but are completely useless when it comes to gym knowledge. Unfortunately, this leads to new people at gym asking these guys for advice and getting royally fucked over in the end from said bad advice. The Sampler is particularly bad for this because he takes the initiative to tell people the wrong thing.

So! If you’re interested in lifting weights but you don’t know where to start, follow my guidelines. I have 5 years of natural lifting experience and I have only been injured once due to reasons beyond my control.

Step 1 Read everything in this link: http://www.liamrosen.com/fitness.html You’ll find everything from what to eat to how to plan your first routine.

Step 2 Don’t buy into pre-workout supplements or lifting equipment. If you need straps, you aren’t strong enough, work on your grip. If you need a belt at any weight lower than 350lbs, you aren’t strong enough, work on your core.

Step 3 Don’t find the cheapest gym, find the best. Sure, that gym within walking distance is only 10 bucks a month but there’s no squat rack or barbells, weights that are integral to a proper routine. Be prepared to drive/take public transit. Getting huge isn’t easy.

Words of the week brought to you by World famous strongman Jon Poll Sigmarsson:

“There is no reason to be alive if you can’t do deadlift”

Thank you.

Ass Touch Grass and Profile: The Guido Broscience Jedi

“One leaf for each rep.”

Thanksgiving day at the gym. Legs day. Box squats, squats, hamstring curls, calf extensions, stretching, then I’m outta there.

Ladies and gentleman, the whitest attempt at rap:

I strut up to the squat rack

And what do I see?

A guido curlbro

It was a catastrophe.

I asked “How many sets?”

He said “Three more”

He was curling in the squat rack

Something I abhor.

So I tapped him on the shoulder.

This had to be a stunt.

So I screamed at the guy:


Goddamn, I wish I could spit verses that lethal on the fly.

The truth is, the gym was busy. Everyone in Hamilton must have been feeling extra guilty about their second helping of mom’s pumpkin cheesecake. The treadmill farm was completely filled with hamster-like old men and cardio bunnies sucking up Earth’s resources to run without moving. I could probably pick up the dumbbell rack itself it was so empty. Oh, and the air smelled like Binbrook.

When I do eventually get to the one squat rack my casual gym has there’s Pauly D from Jersey Shore(Googling this show feels…dirty) supersetting biceps curls with lunges. I mean white wifebeater, two huge rings, diamond earrings, gelled up hair, fake tan, the works.

I had my earbuds in listening to Liturgy. I had to let one bud out to at least make it seem like I wanted to converse with him. He’d do and say all the usual stuff like help me unload and reload plates, say “nice set, brah” and spotted me when I needed it.

UNTIL! I started my ass to grass squats. He started with a “Woah bro!” Oh god he called me bro. I was about to have a broseidon amount of broscience dropped on me…bros.

Google knew exactly what he looked like. Strange…

He continued, “As soon as your hips go lower than your knees bro, you’re tearing up fibres. You won’t be able to move ten years from now.”

I hear this bullshit all the time, and from trainers too. The validity of his broscience can be explained by a quote from one of the many studies done on the validity of deep squatting:

There are several schools of thought on squat depth. Many misinformed individuals caution against squatting below parallel, stating that this is hazardous to the knees. Nothing could be further from the truth. (2) Stopping at or above parallel places direct stress on the knees, whereas a deep squat will transfer the load to the hips,(3) which are capable of handling a greater amount of force than the knees should ever be exposed to.                                                                  -2 Ariel, B.G., 1974. Biomechanical analysis of the knee joint during deep knee bends with a heavy load. Biomechanics. IV(1):44-52.

Fun fact: Matthias Steiner, 2008 Beijing Olympic gold medalist squats low to prepare for his lifts. Going that low is a necessary part of the lift, all Olympic lifters need to train this way in order to perform their insane 258kg lifts. A low front squat is an integral part of the Clean and Press, one of two main weight-related Olympic events.

Well, tall grass.

I thanked Mr. Pauly for his advice. “No worries bro, no worries. Hey watch my form too.”

Deep squats feel good, I can still walk, so I’ll continue doing them. Haters gonna hate.

Has anything like this ever happened to you? Ever been given advice you knew was wrong? Tell me about it.

Words of the week brought to you by Frank Yang:

Thank you.

Frank Motherfucking Yang

20th of August, 2006. I have my 2 litre bottle of diet coke, I have my doritos. There’s two tissues over my mouse and keyboard so they don’t get coated in orange dust. On my headset there’s 39 other people arguing over the proper way to approach Princess Huhuran in Ahn Quiraj. I was a dwarf paladin officer of my guild on the Archimonde realm. I was 140lbs of skinnyfat with stereotypical hair down to my shoulders.

This all changed the day I clicked the /fit/ – Health & Fitness board on 4chan. The top post was a link to a video of a guy in his early 20’s acting like an ape while squatting. Text on the bottom read “Frank Yang Bi-Polar squat.”

I couldn’t get enough of this guy. I sat there and watched every one of his videos twice over. This guy didn’t care about how he looked, he just made lifting weights look fun to an almost artistic level. Not art in terms of form and beauty, but a surrealist art where he is in a place for a completely different reason than anyone else who has stepped in a gym. A pioneer of the form that welcomed early adoption. So I adopted the early philosophy of Frank Yang.

I missed my raid that night, and every night after. I joined X-fitness Stoney Creek and followed Frank Yang’s routine. 2.5 Years later I was 210lbs with a 500lb Deadlift.

I don’t know much about Yang’s personal life, from people’s comments as well as his website and video content, there is for sure something wrong with him mentally. A lot of speculation has lead me to believe he has some unmedicated personality disorder. As of now he’s living in his native Korea, where he claimed to have sex with over 100 women in a year.

Beyond the “feels good man” I always answer with when someone asks me why I lift, there’s an image of Frank Yank in my head. His 480lb Deadlift and screaming so loud it makes you wonder how many gyms he gets kicked out of a year. His other antics include: clean and jerks in a thong, “Hyena squats”(laughing loudly while squatting), and my personal favourite: suicide sprints while chugging a gallon of milk and eating 20 bananas.

There are scientific studies and lots of broscience that links heavy lifting with the release of endorphins and testosterone to make you feel good. At 4:30 in the morning where you’re the only one in the gym, a “CHEEAAAHH MOTHERFUCKER” isn’t out of the question.

So what’s your inspiration to work out, if you do? Have you had a moment of unorthodox inspiration?

Words of the week brought to you by Frank Yang:

“I want to be a janitor at a gym and wipe the floor in the corner while watching ignorant trainers and gym goers go on with their weak routines. I will secretly be the strongest and the rippest guy in the whole place and do my squat workout after everyone had gone home for the day and leave the plates and chalk on the bar to baffle everyone in the morning. I will be the gym version of Will in Good Will Hunting.”

One of his few “work safe” uploads

His Facebook page

Thank you.